He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I AM VODKA MAN
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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