I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize