I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it hurts more in the daytime
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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