dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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