The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I wish there were birth control emojis
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
