I hate your face
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
