Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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