He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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