can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I touched a dick in church today
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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