you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
