They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
