Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
