Say something about gay babies.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
