Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
