Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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