i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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