i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize