Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
