No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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