dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
