That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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