So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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