i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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