Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
