She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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