32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
