I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
