i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
