rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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