I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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