my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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