going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
