Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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