I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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