She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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