If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
