you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
