all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
