Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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