I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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