don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
