I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
