Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
