I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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