I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize