Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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