Say something about gay babies.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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