he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
