i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
