Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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