The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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