@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
