You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
