can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
