***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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