im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
