I met the friendliest cop last night
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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