dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
