I'm jealous of your bromance
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
