So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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