I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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