don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
