I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
