I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
