problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
