dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
