and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
