She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
