girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
