I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
