Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
