i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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