He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
