i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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